Family time...
Saturday came around...we had a busy day ahead of us. First of all, most of the day was spend with my family. First we went to a Bridal Shower, and after that we went to my brothers house to see Oscar De la Hoya fight...I know Dragon doesn't really enjoy this time when I visit my family. But I had a blast, I needed to be around my family. I missed not being with them! Sometimes it feels like I have given up a lot of my family time. Because as much as Dragon says she enjoys their company. I know she rather not be around them. But what can I do? it's my family and we have a really strong connection.
I had a blast Saturday...and I was happy!
I think we need to come up with some neutral ground, either she stays behind while I visit my family and she does her own thing. But I think I have neglected my family long enough. I love them, and they are fun to be with. I know is hard for Dragon to understand the connection we have. Since she is not close to her family at all. So, she doesn't understand the bond we have. So, it's hard for her...even though she pretends to enjoy herself. I know she does it for me. But I don't think is fair for me to ask her to be in a crowd where she isn't really really enjoying herself.
As much as I want her with me, I think she needs time alone and do the things she wants to do by herself.
I can not expect her to sacrifice being with my family, because I am not willing to do the same for her. When she visits her mom, she goes by herself. I just can not seem to connect with her mom at all. Don't get me wrong, I have tried. But she is difficult and she knows it, that's the reason why she doesn't ask me to come along with her anymore.
So, to come to a conclution, I think we need to have our family time...and do it alone. With eachothers family. And not expect the other to have fun. Specially when the other family members talk in a foreign lenguage. Her mom talks to her in Mandarin, and my family most of them are bilingual but in meetings we tend to joke around in Spanish. Thus making the other person feel left out.
Sometimes is hard to manage both words and still remain friends!
I had a blast Saturday...and I was happy!
I think we need to come up with some neutral ground, either she stays behind while I visit my family and she does her own thing. But I think I have neglected my family long enough. I love them, and they are fun to be with. I know is hard for Dragon to understand the connection we have. Since she is not close to her family at all. So, she doesn't understand the bond we have. So, it's hard for her...even though she pretends to enjoy herself. I know she does it for me. But I don't think is fair for me to ask her to be in a crowd where she isn't really really enjoying herself.
As much as I want her with me, I think she needs time alone and do the things she wants to do by herself.
I can not expect her to sacrifice being with my family, because I am not willing to do the same for her. When she visits her mom, she goes by herself. I just can not seem to connect with her mom at all. Don't get me wrong, I have tried. But she is difficult and she knows it, that's the reason why she doesn't ask me to come along with her anymore.
So, to come to a conclution, I think we need to have our family time...and do it alone. With eachothers family. And not expect the other to have fun. Specially when the other family members talk in a foreign lenguage. Her mom talks to her in Mandarin, and my family most of them are bilingual but in meetings we tend to joke around in Spanish. Thus making the other person feel left out.
Sometimes is hard to manage both words and still remain friends!
posted by Mar | 8:31 PM
9 Comments:
It can be a fine balancing act getting along with our sweethearts family members. K's family is distant. No one has ever visited us and we are often told of a family get together once everyone has already arrived and noticed we aren't there. I have problems with that. I am uncomfortable around them because I see them maybe once a year. Now, my family, we are crazy and close and we often freak outsiders by our crazy silly behavior. K is still learning our ways and is uncomfortable at times with how we are. Basically nothing is off limits where my family is concerned. He often spends our family time with them in my Aunt's basement hiding out and smoking to avoid what we find fun (usually really "hard core" water balloon or egg fights or worse)
But if the love is there between you you will work out a peaceful medium where you can both be satisfied. The main thing is compromise. Maybe sometimes you go alone and sometimes you go together depending on what is going on. I really think important family events are meant to be shared with our sweeties, but if you're just going to visit and chat etc then go alone, or if it's a short visit go together but for the longer ones that aren't holiday or family events go alone...so the other doesn't suffer too long.
Relationships often times need to involve sacrifices. Hopefully you two can find a middle ground on this issue. Perhaps instead of ruling out visiting the other family completely try to reduce it...say in half and see how it goes.
Or you could respond to this comment and say "Mike...you're a moron and shut the hell up."
I'm sure you gals will come up with something that works the best for the two of you though.
I think the "sometimes I go and sometimes I don't" idea is good. It's kind of what happens now. I can usually hang out with the kids and their video games, so I'm not totally bored. And when I sneak in and out of the kitchen for food I can steal glances at what my baby is doing.
As for visiting my mom... well, that's a whole other thing. I see her as little as possible, so it isn't too much of an issue the few times it comes up.
I think her never going with you is a bad idea. I think it puts a wedge between you. I'm not saying you shouldn't have time to do things seperately, but I think you would be heading down a bad road if you told her to stop going with you all together. You're lucky she goes with and pretends to be enjoying herself. I would think sometimes go by yourself and sometimes not.
Thank you guys. I know family gathering can be a bit hard. And we need to make sacrifices to make our relationship work. The idea of having Dragon come along when I know meetings are going to be short is a good concept. The only thing is that with my family is very hard to say...they can make a small thing and turn it into a big event. But I will take all of your advices and see what happens. Thanks
I'm so blessed that Bunny and I feel exactly the same way about our families. We both think her family is pretty cool and my family should mostly be avoided. :)
Heehee, that's pretty much how we feel too! Her family is cool for the most part (except for the whole conservative religious stuff) and mine is... well, my mom is best avoided.
My husband doesn't really like being around my family but he can deal. His family is easier to tolerate than mine. Usually I can handle being around them. Except maybe for his crazy grandmother.
I think it's good that you're trying to find a balance. It's important to stay connected with friends and family.
Being part of a couple doesn't mean you have to do *everything* together. I agree with you, see your own families separately. Nothing wrong with that.
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