It's time for something personal
I use to be engaged to be married. I dated this guy for seven years...I don't regret the time I spent with him, because I was in love and every day was a good day. So, we got engaged and we weren't yet ready to get married. We both were studying and he wanted to be out of the academy before we tied the knot.
Now keep in mind this guy was my first love. After we got engaged I gave myself totally to him. Lost my virginity to him, had wild sex...It was good I have to admit it! And I was totally in love with him, I trusted him and believed in him. My family loved him...He was just "perfect" so I thought.
Then he went off to the Highway Patrol Academy. He would come down every single weekend to see me. His father was a minister of this church and he used to be the lead guitar player for that church. So many girls were after him...Because he was good looking and I guess he magically sent them signals with his guitar notes.
While all this was going on I had a really good friend of mine that I met at his dad's church. I used to invite her to outings with us. All of a sudden he became friends with her brother. So, I found out he goes to spend a lot of time in her place. But I never imagined anything bad. I was so naive and trusting.
He began acting a little weird, and I couldn't understand what was wrong.
Until one day he confessed that he no longer had feelings for me, because he had fallen in "love" with my "best" friend. What the FUCK! I was so pissed off at both of them. Because they had secretly had been dating behind my back all this time! I was so hurt and so angry, I couldn't understand what was happening. So, the engagement was called off.
And he got married to her, now they have 3 kids...
I could never trust anyone ever again. He made me always think that every person I dated was a cheater.
Now I don't like labels, and that's why I don't feel like I have to call myself a lesbian. I think if love came in whatever form, shape or sex than I would welcome it.
I had dated a lot of men before I met Dragon and I could never fully give myself to them. I would actually do the breaking up and would never fall in love with any of them. And yes, I think it was because of the experience I had with my ex.
A lot of people have asked me. So, is that why you "became a LESBIAN"? I didn't become anything. I am comfortable being with Dragon, I think we make a good partnership, we understand eachother, and yes I love her.
But if she and I were ever to break up, if I were to meet a man that makes me happy I would go with him. Or if I find a woman that does the same then hey that's who I will be with.
My point is that I don't think of myself bisexual, lesbian...or whatever. I am a person like anyone else, and if love comes in whatever sex it comes in...I will be open to it.
But as for NOW, I am in love with a woman and a woman that respects me, understands me and would never cheat on me. And yes, I am sure of it. Because I know her.
So...don't feel sorry for me. I am happy now and I know I couldn't have been this happy with my ex. Everything happens for a reason.
Now keep in mind this guy was my first love. After we got engaged I gave myself totally to him. Lost my virginity to him, had wild sex...It was good I have to admit it! And I was totally in love with him, I trusted him and believed in him. My family loved him...He was just "perfect" so I thought.
Then he went off to the Highway Patrol Academy. He would come down every single weekend to see me. His father was a minister of this church and he used to be the lead guitar player for that church. So many girls were after him...Because he was good looking and I guess he magically sent them signals with his guitar notes.
While all this was going on I had a really good friend of mine that I met at his dad's church. I used to invite her to outings with us. All of a sudden he became friends with her brother. So, I found out he goes to spend a lot of time in her place. But I never imagined anything bad. I was so naive and trusting.
He began acting a little weird, and I couldn't understand what was wrong.
Until one day he confessed that he no longer had feelings for me, because he had fallen in "love" with my "best" friend. What the FUCK! I was so pissed off at both of them. Because they had secretly had been dating behind my back all this time! I was so hurt and so angry, I couldn't understand what was happening. So, the engagement was called off.
And he got married to her, now they have 3 kids...
I could never trust anyone ever again. He made me always think that every person I dated was a cheater.
Now I don't like labels, and that's why I don't feel like I have to call myself a lesbian. I think if love came in whatever form, shape or sex than I would welcome it.
I had dated a lot of men before I met Dragon and I could never fully give myself to them. I would actually do the breaking up and would never fall in love with any of them. And yes, I think it was because of the experience I had with my ex.
A lot of people have asked me. So, is that why you "became a LESBIAN"? I didn't become anything. I am comfortable being with Dragon, I think we make a good partnership, we understand eachother, and yes I love her.
But if she and I were ever to break up, if I were to meet a man that makes me happy I would go with him. Or if I find a woman that does the same then hey that's who I will be with.
My point is that I don't think of myself bisexual, lesbian...or whatever. I am a person like anyone else, and if love comes in whatever sex it comes in...I will be open to it.
But as for NOW, I am in love with a woman and a woman that respects me, understands me and would never cheat on me. And yes, I am sure of it. Because I know her.
So...don't feel sorry for me. I am happy now and I know I couldn't have been this happy with my ex. Everything happens for a reason.
posted by Mar | 8:01 PM
10 Comments:
I was engaged once. Well, twice. I'm engaged to Bunny now. But I was engaged one other time.
We were so young. So naive. So damn stupid. We grew apart as time passed and one day we just weren't so compatible anymore. I broke things off with her. And she hated me for it.
I was decent about everything. I was positively gentlemanly about our post-breakup realities. I didn't say anything to anyone. If people asked I'd say, "We're not together anymore" and leave it at that. We had lots of mutual friends, you see. I tried very hard to give us both a sense of dignity. Our business was our business and no one else needed to know the details.
She wasn't quite so dignified.
She would trashmouth me every damn chance she got. She made up lies by the dozen. She told people I beat her, that I stole from her, that I was a drunk, that I had drug problems, etc. She told people that I hurt her grandmother, that I broke up her aunt's marriage, that I cheated on her constantly. You name it, she said it. For years afterwards people would come up to me and ask things like "Why did you never get arrested when you stole her car?"
I would quietly set the record straight and then return to my default "We're just not together anymore."
For years I would grit my teeth, chaffing at her lies but comforted with the knowledge that I had kept my honor. I quietly waited for the great karmic wheel to swing around and balance this whole thing out.
Eventually it did.
Her current husband is on his way to prison. Again.
I am Jack's smirking revenge.
How could anyone feel sorry for you?...the two of ya's seem so perfect and cute together.
I hear ya. I'm not a fan of labels myself. i used to say that I fell in love with BP the person, and it didn't matter to me what body she came packaged in. It took me a real long time to call myself a lesbian, and really I only wear it now because it's easier for people who don't know me to get a handle on my relationship with BP. Wearing the label doesn't change the way I see things. If I were single I wouldn't rule out "dating" either men or women, though I definitely lean a lot more toward women. But, I will say that I would first seek out a man, because it's been a long freaking time and it is way differnt. It doesn't really matter because I've found my love, I'm happy, and I'm holding on to it.
I think really the labels that bother me more are the stereo type lables within the gay community that people grab a hold of and turn into their identity. I'm sorry but my sexuality is about the least interesting thing about me, says the girl who's blog is called gaymo. But it's true, I've never wanted that to become my sole focus in life. I am just zoe you can't describe me with one fell swoop of a sterotype.
Anyway, I do understand what you are saying about loving the person. You two seem like you're very happy together.
Wow....this was a very powerful post to me. I guess I never thought of it that way. I mean, not really thought it out.
I would probably say I would be the same if I weren't married to a wonderful man who is almost a saint for having lived with me for 5 years.
I relate to this story Mar. I feel the same way and I think Zoe said it perfectly. I feel in love with C no matter what package she came in. I fall in love with the person, not their gender.
It's odd how people like to label things, isn't it? I'm not a big fan of them myself.
I think you fall for the person, not the gender. Love's hard enough as it is!
"I follow the heart, not the anatomy" (Alice from the L Word) This line and sentiment resonated with me then and still does. I am not 'in love' and haven't been for a long time. I was with my husband for 17 years and can't quite say when I fell out of it-- but I'm growing accustomed to the idea that I am finally brave enough to follow my heart and not be bound by barriers of gender, race, age (well, there has to be some limit here) and other factors that tend to limit and strangle me. I'm not 'lookin for love' but will certainly embrace it-when it comes a knockin.
:) I dunno what to say, except that was a good post...
Everyone deserves happiness no matter what the outside package looks like...
Let me just say WOW...you guys have brought tears to my eyes. I LOVE YOU GUYS, you all are a great bunch!!
All I have to say is I hope I don't get replaced anytime soon. I'm going to cry for weeks if I get replaced by a man!
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