Rules, rules, rules… What about sex?
I have this book that someone gave to me awhile back. It’s about what to do and what not to do on dates.
Okay so, I know I am not supposed to talk about my exes, nor do should I compare my boyfriends to the new prospect. And don’t call him…hmm?
Well, there is also that question that has bothered me all the time, when is the right time to sleep together? Who determines when you are a slut because you slept with him on your first date, or who is to say that sleeping with him on my fourth, fifth date doesn’t make me a slut? When is the time to get involved and when is it a mistake?
I remember dating men and when there was physical attraction…I could hardly control myself. And couldn’t care less when was the appropriate time to jump his bones!! I just wanted to FUCK him…(excuse my boldness). But I managed to control myself.
But does that drive men away? Does that make it weird…you would think by now I would know the answers, but NO…I never figured it out. And to me it was all a mind game. A game I hated to be a part of.
How much sexual intimacy is good to share? And how much is TOO MUCH?
I know men pursue women as a sexual trophy, and if you sleep with them then all interest is gone. They have gained what they wanted; now there is nothing that’s interesting to hold them with this person. And they move on to the next prey.
I believe that if you find someone and you have a lot of things in common and become physically attracted to each other…stay with them and learn everything about that person, and with time you either realize she or he is what I need in my life. I will make a life with her or him.
We live in such difficult times, where a person that shares a lot of your interests is hard to find. When you find that they could have something to give, stick to them and learn what makes them interesting.
My brother is a typical MACHO guy, he dates easy women and gets them into bed. He gets what he wants from them, uses them and walks away. Yet he has this idea that he wants to marry a virgin…come on he is living a dream. It is so hard to find someone much less someone that is a virgin, especially when all you want is jump into their pants.
Well being that way got him into trouble, he got a lady pregnant. Someone he can barely stand to be with. She intentionally got pregnant! And since he has a baby with her he has to be around her to make his son happy. She calls him all the freaking time…it really gets on everyone’s nerves because she calls him even though he is only visiting us. She somehow imagines that we have many lady friends we are waiting to introduce to him…lady get a life!
Now if I was a man, that would totally drive me away. I know he is unhappy and he tries to find someone that can make him happy. But his search is long…will he find her? Maybe. But certainly not if the crazy lady is in his life…Meanwhile what happened to the ideal of the virgin he wanted to find?
What is your opinion? What is your experience… especially you guys out there, tell me what you think.
Okay so, I know I am not supposed to talk about my exes, nor do should I compare my boyfriends to the new prospect. And don’t call him…hmm?
Well, there is also that question that has bothered me all the time, when is the right time to sleep together? Who determines when you are a slut because you slept with him on your first date, or who is to say that sleeping with him on my fourth, fifth date doesn’t make me a slut? When is the time to get involved and when is it a mistake?
I remember dating men and when there was physical attraction…I could hardly control myself. And couldn’t care less when was the appropriate time to jump his bones!! I just wanted to FUCK him…(excuse my boldness). But I managed to control myself.
But does that drive men away? Does that make it weird…you would think by now I would know the answers, but NO…I never figured it out. And to me it was all a mind game. A game I hated to be a part of.
How much sexual intimacy is good to share? And how much is TOO MUCH?
I know men pursue women as a sexual trophy, and if you sleep with them then all interest is gone. They have gained what they wanted; now there is nothing that’s interesting to hold them with this person. And they move on to the next prey.
I believe that if you find someone and you have a lot of things in common and become physically attracted to each other…stay with them and learn everything about that person, and with time you either realize she or he is what I need in my life. I will make a life with her or him.
We live in such difficult times, where a person that shares a lot of your interests is hard to find. When you find that they could have something to give, stick to them and learn what makes them interesting.
My brother is a typical MACHO guy, he dates easy women and gets them into bed. He gets what he wants from them, uses them and walks away. Yet he has this idea that he wants to marry a virgin…come on he is living a dream. It is so hard to find someone much less someone that is a virgin, especially when all you want is jump into their pants.
Well being that way got him into trouble, he got a lady pregnant. Someone he can barely stand to be with. She intentionally got pregnant! And since he has a baby with her he has to be around her to make his son happy. She calls him all the freaking time…it really gets on everyone’s nerves because she calls him even though he is only visiting us. She somehow imagines that we have many lady friends we are waiting to introduce to him…lady get a life!
Now if I was a man, that would totally drive me away. I know he is unhappy and he tries to find someone that can make him happy. But his search is long…will he find her? Maybe. But certainly not if the crazy lady is in his life…Meanwhile what happened to the ideal of the virgin he wanted to find?
What is your opinion? What is your experience… especially you guys out there, tell me what you think.
posted by Mar | 8:18 PM
7 Comments:
Actually I've always remembered something my grandmother said to me when I was a teenager. "Never date anyone you wouldn't at least consider the possibility of marriage to otherwise you're just using them."
I hate revealing intimate details of my life, but I feel compelled to do it here. I met my husband at age 18, slept with him at age 19, married him at age 22 (and we'll celebrate 5 years in Oct.)and he's my one and only sexual partner, but he had a few before me. I love him greatly, but I can't help but wonder what it would have been like to sleep with others--but then my Catholic guilty gets to me. Granted I wasn't a virgin when we married, I'd never "experienced" anyone else. Am I nuts? I think I got way off topic. I sure hope your brother finds the one. It's a long search, eh?
I don't know that I ever really cared about what anyone else labeled me, or if there were rules about sex. Perhaps I was a slut, I dont' know. If I wanted to sleep with a guy it's because it's what I wanted to, so I did. You know pretty much right away whether a relationship is going to be a sex fueled fling or if it's going to be something more. There is nothing wrong with wanting sex.
In my experience it did not drive men away. In fact it seemed to have quite the opposite effect. I didn't wait for X amount of time or play games. When I wanted it, I had it, one night stand or in a relationship. I never felt used, I mean it's not like I wasn't a willing participant who didn't also have a good time. Maybe it was because I wasn't looking for much out of those relationships, I don't know, but I can tell you that it did not drive them away, I always did the breaking up.
I don't know. I think I have a much different view of sex than most women. Sometimes a fuck is just a fuck, and nothing more. No emotions no commitments.
Zoe- very well said...and I totally agree with you!!
For what it is worth, I believe you get what you put out there in life. If he wants to find his virgin love, maybe he should stop treating women like sex trophies. You get what you give. Karen Lynn
Mmm
First of all..
Nobody can tell what is going to happend with another person from the begining..so if you date someone who cares if it had had 1 or 20 relationships before?
I think the important thing is what happend when you met this person.
I dont think people should tell other that it´s "easy or not".
Everyone's rules are different. I would say at the very least a contact phone number is called for in case they leave you with an unintentional itch.
Ok - on a serious note. As long as both adults are on the same page and consent, well then the rules are theirs.
For me I've lived life without rules and with, and barring an occasional broken heart, I prefer with. My rule today is simple. Don't mess with someone who is living with someone/married/engaged. I've been at the wrong end of that equation and it HURT!
I'm liking your blog!
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